Change can be hard

Change can be hard

I've been thinking a lot about butterflies lately.


Maybe it's the season, maybe it's because I saw a video on IG of hundreds of butterflies and the magic of it stopped me in my tracks... who knows.


But what's really been on my mind is actually not just the fully transformed butterflies, but also the caterpillars that become them.


And this isn't just because I've always had a soft spot for caterpillars (RIP to my childhood caterpillar friend, Skippy). 


It's that I've really been considering that caterpillar-to-butterfly transformative process, and how that might feel for them.


Those beautiful butterflies, fluttering in the wind and enjoying their flower friends, once were grounded beings. 


As caterpillars, they moved slowly, they rested, they stayed close to home.


They prepared for their transformation, they waited, and slowly, they became.


And while this is the natural life cycle of these creatures (and I may be projecting here), I have to wonder if that transformation is difficult at first.

It's been awhile!

It's been awhile!

Well, hello there!


It's been awhile since I've popped in here, I know.


I honestly can't believe it's been over a month since I last posted.


I even had a spring equinox message (mostly) ready to go last month.


Definitely thought I'd publish it.


Absolutely thought I'd write others, too.


But it turned out that I just didn't have the capacity.


Over these last few weeks, I've felt a lot of guilt about not communicating more with you.


I love sharing with you. I love hearing from you. I love being in community with you.


And also.


I had a heftier load to manage these last few weeks, personally. 


Nothing life-altering. But enough to force me to prioritize a little differently for a short while. 


And whether or not you can relate to the business-owner side of things, I'm guessing you've experienced some similar times—when you were dealing with too much at once, and you knew you couldn't keep up with "business as usual."

Rage is not meant to be silent

Rage is not meant to be silent

Sometimes, it can feel like the only options are to stuff it down or completely explode.


Hearing about the remarks at CPAC about trans people—adding to the list of recent horrors being done to trans and non-binary communities—made my blood boil.


And since then, I've vacillated between wanting to scream with rage forever and ever, and feeling like there's nowhere to put my feelings but to hold them inside my body.


I find that this is often the bodily relationship we can have with rage—this conflicting need to release it all lest we die, and to keep it all in because it can often feel too hopeless to try to express any of it at all.


And rage and grief, I've found, come from the same roots, and can often be experienced very similarly in the body. 

Constant growth is BS

Constant growth is BS

I was talking with a friend this week who is also a solo-preneur. 


We often process together the ups and downs of owning a small business, which has been a true balm to my sometimes-isolated heart.


And in this particular conversation, she said that she'd heard once, "If you're not growing, you're dying." 


It had been said in the context of business and what it looks like to be a successful business owner. 


We talked about how damaging that sort of ideal is, not only to our work, but just to our everyday existence...and, unfortunately, also how common this kind of thinking is.


And even if you're not a business owner, too, I'm wondering if you can relate to this kind of unwanted ideology getting pushed onto you.

A love note to you

A Valentine’s Day message to you:

 

Whether you love this day, hate this day, or don’t care about it, I hope that today, you take some time to offer yourself and your communities some extra tenderness and care.


I hope that you do something fun and remember the importance of pleasure.


I hope that you offer your body rest and your spirit comfort.

 

I hope that you feel held and loved by those in your corner.


And I hope that you remember just how magical, valuable, and incredible you are.


On this day and all days, I am immensely grateful to be in this work with you, and your presence here is felt and deeply loved.

Grief has no expiration date

Grief has no expiration date

I've been thinking about grief a lot lately.


Not that that's necessarily new for me. And I know I've written about grief here before.


But I think that's actually the thing with grief...it's not a "one and done" thing.


It repeats. Circles back. Shows up again and again, even if it—or you—might look or feel different within it each time.


While all emotions and experiences hold incredible nuance, fluidity, and complexity, I often find that "grief" and "non-linear" are so intimately connected they're almost the same thing.


And we largely don't have a lot of good systems or support to navigate grief.

Hibernation mode: activate!

Hibernation mode: activate!

So, here we are, the beginning of January!


And you're probably being told from all kinds of places that it's back to work, back to "the grind," with the gusto of a thousand energy drinks.


We're encouraged to start a new routine, to kick it up a notch, to barge into the new year with a jumpstarted purpose and drive. 


Because it's the new year, and that means something!


Right?


Meh...maybe, maybe not.

Lots of New Year's messages today?

Lots of New Year's messages today?

I'm going to (for once) try to keep this short and simple.


As we close out one year and begin the next (at least, according to the Gregorian calendar), I have a few wishes for you.


I wish that you will take a moment to reflect on everything you've been through this year...celebrate, grieve, honor your badassery and tenderness.


You may be shedding pieces of 2022 you don't need to take with you, but I hope that you're also able to still carry with you all you've learned and all the ways that you've grown. 


Welcoming in a new year doesn't mean abandoning our last year selves.


And I promise, even if 2022 felt like a "nothing" year for you...you've done and experienced and lived more than you might notice at first glance.

Solstice blessings to you!

Solstice blessings to you!

Solstice Blessings to you! 


If you're in the northern hemisphere like I am, today marks the Winter Solstice. (For anyone in the southern hemisphere, a joyous Summer Solstice to you!)


This day marks the point in time when it is the darkest...and if you're in the half of the world I'm in, today we honor the moment in time when the light will, once again, begin to slowly grow.


With that, I had a new realization this year when I began preparing for the Solstice that I wanted to share today.

It's Kind Living's birthday!

It's Kind Living's birthday!

Last weekend, I celebrated the 3rd birthday of my business!



If you've been around from the beginning (or maybe not even that long), you know that Kind Living isn't exactly the same as it was at its inception.



My business, and I along with it, have experienced a lot of shifting, changing, growing, failing, learning. 



So, to honor this anniversary, I wanted to just share a few things I've learned along the way (many of which I will be a forever student).

Looking ahead already?

Looking ahead already?

I saw a post on Instagram yesterday that bothered me.


(Even though I'm not active on socials these days, sometimes I still lurk.)


The post said something along the lines of how December is the month to start preparing for the year ahead...that December 1st means it's time to be thinking about 2023.


And while I don't think this is 100% unhelpful (there are, after all, supportive ways to plan ahead that aren't panicky or full of pressure—for instance, check out these lovely offers from my friend Dana!)...


...my first thought in reaction to this particular IG post was "My god, can we not just fucking rest?!"


Because although there can be some really beautiful future visioning that happens as the year comes to a close, I think we can often be pressured to jump too far, too fast.


And then we completely miss out on being present.

Self-care for the season

Self-care for the season

Suddenly, it's dark before 5:00pm. 


It's cold and blustery.


And there's that intensely felt mix of emotions being held in the body that this time of year has arrived.


For some, joy is the most prominent feeling.


For others, grief. Maybe isolation, or nostalgia.


But I'd guess that for most of us, it's a mixed bag of a lot of things...things that are hard to feel all at the same time.


As this season continues to unfold, I'll keep sharing my thoughts and guidance around navigating this particular part of the wheel of the year.


For now, though, I wanted to drop a few of my favorite things ( cue Julie Andrews ) that I'm leaning into lately to help ground me during this complex season.

Forever proud

Forever proud

I had another blog post scheduled for today, full of some simple ideas to support your body and spirit as we enter into this season of the year.


And it'll still get posted, maybe later this week, maybe next week.


But today, I knew that I couldn't send a "business as usual" message.


Honestly, so much is always going on, "business as usual" is rarely what feels possible (or necessary). 


How am I supposed to talk about things like self-care when I'm just feeling so much rage and pain in response to what's going on?


(Actually, self-care—real self-care—is super relevant as we feel all these things in our bodies...but there's a lot that can feel counterintuitive about it at first blush.)


Hearing the news yesterday about the shooting at the LGBTQ+ nightclub in Colorado Springs sent me out of my body.

Here comes another diet trend...

Here comes another diet trend...

Nothing makes me feel older than when someone mentions a new TikTok trend.


As an elder millennial (with easily triggered sensory overload), I barely feel like Instagram makes sense most of the time.


And despite friends' efforts to get me on the TikTok bandwagon, after creating an account awhile back and looking at the app for about 2.3 seconds, I practically threw my phone across the room.


'Tis not for me 


(Though I will say that videos friends have sent me from the app have been quite delightful, so, I can understand the appeal the content has...just from afar.)


So, I hear about TikTok trends the same way that maybe some of you do: through news stories, or other people way more hip than I am.


(I mean, I just used the word "hip" unironically, so...)


Anyway, I saw a post today in a holistic business community I'm a part of about a new TikTok trend about how people have been using various medications off-label to lose weight.

Blessed Samhain!

Blessed Samhain!

Blessed Samhain to you!


Honestly, there were so many different things I wanted to explore in my Samhain email to you.


This moment in the year brings up so much for me, and a part of me really wanted to try to include it all! 


But after attempting this, I chose to hit "delete all" and start over...let's be honest, even though Mercury is in Scorpio and I just want to dive deeeeep with allllll the things forever, even I know that reining it in is not my strong suit, and sometimes I need to make tough choices 


So...today, as I, along with many others in the northern hemisphere, celebrate the ancient Celtic holiday of Samhain, I turn to themes of death and grief. 

It's ok to change your mind

It's ok to change your mind

Ask pretty much anyone in my life, and they'll confirm that I am about as stubborn as they come.


When I've made a decision or developed a viewpoint, I claim it with the fervor of a thousand beings. 


I express it firmly and without wavering. I am certain. I will never change.


But you know what?


Sometimes I do.


Sometimes, I shift my perspective or my plans or my dreams.


And honestly, this has been confusing for many people in my life.

What I learned from swimming lessons

What I learned from swimming lessons

When I was a kid, I took swimming lessons for a brief stint. 


I must have been pretty young, because those lessons are some of my first memories.


Specifically, the memory that really lingered as I grew up was the final swim test, where each kid had to swim all the way across the length of the pool.


I remember being scared (I was actually pretty fearful—and incredibly uncoordinated—through every single class), but I did it!


I saw everyone cheering for me, and even at such a young age, I remember feeling really accomplished and proud of myself.


Only, it turns out it's a skewed memory.


I didn't learn until I was in my 20s that, in fact, I did not swim all the way across the pool.


I didn't pass the final test.


I failed.

How a Tom Petty song helped to redefine my work

How a Tom Petty song helped to redefine my work

About a year and a half ago, I started feeling a bit lost in my work.


I had pivoted what felt like a million times (which, by the way, should be a much more embraced practice in the business space than it often is), and I could feel myself landing on the next phase of my journey with Kind Living...it just didn't quite feel accessible yet.


And then, one day, I was listening to one of my favorite stations on Pandora (shout out to Rising Appalachia!), and a Wailin' Jennys cover of Tom Petty's "Wildflowers" came on.


I'm sure I'd heard this song before, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time.


"You belong somewhere you feel free..."


That line seared through my soul and I felt an expansiveness in my body.


That's it, I realized.

Info overload?

Info overload?

These days, overwhelm has become almost commonplace.


Information overload is constant. 


And it can be so, so hard to know how to weed through it all and land somewhere that feels restorative, nourishing, grounding, sustainable.


A few reminders:


It's ok to stop scrolling.


It's ok to delete apps.


It's ok to unsubscribe. (Yes, even to this newsletter.)


It's ok to put a pause on taking in all the information you can.


It's ok to say no. To take a walk. To take a break. To create boundaries.

What lurks in the shadows?

What lurks in the shadows?

This past weekend, for the first time, I did a guest interview for a podcast.


The interview was with my dear friend, Dana, of Self Help Witch. Her podcast (of the same name) is my very favorite.


It was such an honor to be invited to chat with her, and while I was wildly nervous to do it, I decided to take the leap and say yes (even though I questioned that choice a lot before we actually did it).


It was a delightful chat!...and then afterward, I immediately spiraled.


My brain swirled with worry. With absolute, utter panic.


Did I say that part wrong?

Why didn't I include that piece?

What if I'm perceived inaccurately?

I can't believe I messed this up so badly!


I truly lost my shit.


Luckily, Dana's graciousness was able to bring me back down into my body a bit. I shared with her a bit about what was going on for me, and she responded with such compassion (unsurprisingly, because that's who she is).


And although my body is still reeling a bit from it all, I was able to use this experience as a chance to look at some of the parts of me I don't always like to look at.

We occupy Tovaangar, stolen Tongva land. We bow in honor and respect to the Tongva people.