When I was a kid, I took swimming lessons for a brief stint.
I must have been pretty young, because those lessons are some of my first memories.
Specifically, the memory that really lingered as I grew up was the final swim test, where each kid had to swim all the way across the length of the pool.
I remember being scared (I was actually pretty fearful—and incredibly uncoordinated—through every single class), but I did it!
I saw everyone cheering for me, and even at such a young age, I remember feeling really accomplished and proud of myself.
Only, it turns out it's a skewed memory.
I didn't learn until I was in my 20s that, in fact, I did not swim all the way across the pool.
I didn't pass the final test.
I failed.
My mom didn't even realize she was telling me new information when this finally surfaced. She'd thought I knew.
She didn't know that one of my earliest memories of bravery and accomplishment was based on a false narrative.
I thought about this recently because I've been having a hard time feeling brave. Or, rather, I've struggled to access my bravery.
And thinking about my little kid self, so confident that she had done the thing, she had conquered her fears, she had literally crossed the finish line, even though she hadn't...it helped me remember something.
Our courage doesn't have to be tied up with the outcome.
We can be brave, even if we end up not getting to where we thought we would.
Our boldness, our willingness to do the scary things, is valid regardless of whatever benchmarks have been laid out for us.
You—yes, you—are brave as fuck.
No matter what happens in the end, no matter what anyone else says, apart from any finish lines you may or may not cross...
...your willingness to try, to try again, to be content, to be creative, to trust your intuition, to honor your needs, to love your communities...
...you are bold. You are courageous. You are lion-hearted.
And even in the quiet moments of questioning all of that, you are still a powerful ball of light, an essential part of the Collective, a magical story that continues to be written, moment by moment.
What I learned from swimming lessons