I don't know about you, but my nervous system has taken some hits lately.
While the larger context of the current events is not at all new, some of the specific things happening in our world lately have been weighing so heavily in my body.
I've felt rage. grief. frustration. numbness. urgency. despair.
And more rage. Just so much rage.
And honestly, sometimes I also have fear—fear that I won't know what to do with this heaviness. Fear that these experiences will swallow me whole.
As someone who lives with depression, sometimes I have to remind myself that this fear comes from a very real place. My body has become overwhelmed, many times, and in some of these phases, it has taken me what feels like a lifetime to climb out of that hole.
And also, I try to remind myself that while some things are mine to carry for this lifetime, I am also an ever-changing, always growing being. And something I've learned along the way is the value of befriending my body while she carries some of these incredibly heavy feelings.
It's not always about "getting out of it" right away. Or, at least, it's not usually that black-and-white.
I've found that so much of this experience of living is in the noticing. The being with. The holding space for.
So, lately, as my nervous system is on the verge of having a complete meltdown, I try to remember: Yes, self-care. Yes, ask for help when I need it. Yes, have hope that life will not always feel this heavy.
And also...
...how might I take this time to be with my body, to notice how she carries this weight, and allow her to feel these very real and valid sensations?
Right alongside the heartache is the gift of continuing to grow this intimate and sacred relationship with how my body holds all that we experience together. My body is constantly communicating with me, letting me know when it feels like too much.
And so is yours.
And if you, too, have felt like everything is just too much lately, and if you've felt the pressure to "get over it" and be able to move on with your day like nothing horrific is happening, but your body isn't quite letting you...a reminder:
We are not meant to experience all that we are and then simply go about our day.
Capitalism, white supremacism, patriarchy, ableism...our systems at work will tell us that we need to just figure out how to be ok, how to keep going, how to maintain productivity in the face of unspeakable and ongoing harm (harm that these systems create and perpetuate).
But what is your body telling you?
This weekend, if you can, allow space for your body to communicate. Honor their messages. Remember that these sensations are information.
And even if the signals are fuzzy, that's ok. Let your body know you're listening, and thank them for all that they're carrying with you.
TL;DR: There is so much going on right now. Your body is holding all of it and communicating with you about it. Listen to your body's messages, take care of yourself, and remember that we are meant to have feelings about what we witness and experience.
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