Blessed Samhain, my dear friend!
This evening, the veil is thinnest between the material world and the spirit world, or the world beyond this one.
It can be a beautiful time to remember and honor those who have passed on, to communicate with them, and to acknowledge the ways in which we are who we are because of them.
It can also be a sacred time to acknowledge and honor grief. Grief is such a complex experience that each of us embodies uniquely, and it is often intertwined with death and loss.
Earlier this week, I came across a quote from Michelle Pellizzon of Holisticism, which she said on a recent episode of her podcast, The Twelfth House: "Once you experience grief, you don't go back to not grieving. You are grieving for the rest of your life, just in different ways. Grief changes form."
This rung true for me, and also...we, too, change form around that grief. We have this divine magic within us to expand around the things that make us feel constricted, to make space for what wasn't there before, and to be reminded of our aliveness through the experience of loss.
The relationship we have with grief as alive beings is an intimate one, and incredibly nuanced.
And on Samhain, I am reminded of that nuance. Honoring those who have passed on can include a multitude of feelings—grief and sadness, certainly...and also, gratitude, connection, grounding, and magic.
This is not a process of engaging that sunny optimism that so many around us might encourage us to do when we're grieving. Not at all.
It is an embodied journey of the both/and...the recognition that we are never just one thing, our experiences are never just one thing, and the Wheel of Time will continue to shift while we shift on it, too.
So tonight, if you choose, light a candle for those you wish to honor. Embrace the experience of the flame burning bright and hot within the cool, dark shadows and unknowns. And remember that you are always—and have always been—connected, part of the Whole, and an invaluable piece of the Collective.
A few musings on connecting with our ancestors...
It may not always feel safe to commune with everyone in your lineage. And that is ok. Calling on your safe and well ancestors, those who have in mind only your highest good, and gently disinviting those who are not safe to call upon is a way to implement healthy boundaries.
Also, those who we consider to have impacted us and who have passed on may not be relatives. Commune only with those you wish to honor.
This year, I've also felt quite impacted by a few things that Chani Nicholas has said in reference to the complicated, and sometimes harmful, lineages we carry. In her app (which I highly recommend!), this week's affirmation is:
"Honoring my lineage sometimes looks like a radical departure from my family system, patterns, and propensities. Showing love to all those that brought me here includes being brave enough to heal what they could not."
She also says, "What you heal in yourself, you heal for your entire family line."
Sometimes, the way we honor our ancestors is by doing our own healing work. And on Samhain, we can express gratitude for all who have brought us here by lovingly supporting our own, magical, ongoing internal growth.